I wonder what happens when you know so much. Like for example, how do the 5 percent-ers know so much? And somehow I feel as though I'm one of them. It scares me. How do I "know" so much? How do I understand so much? Maybe it's because I found myself. I know my limitations, my needs, my wants, my dreams, my, my, my life. And all I want in life is to find happiness. That is my goal. I want to have happiness for always and not just those "Kodak moments". I want to be different. I can't think like this society. I can relate or understand why the world is like it is now but I don't think I can follow it. How do I know this society is right for me? I haven't tried to live in other countries. Maybe I would better in Italy, or Japan, or Australia. Who knows? I don't and that's why I'm searching for that happiness. I'm looking for that feeling that you feel but don't know how to describe it. It's just good, or great, or awesome, or all smiles. That's what I want. I want to live like there's no tomorrow, but die like my tomorrow's where today. I want to find what I'm missing. I'm not missing anything materialistic but I'm missing that unknown source. Something I can't touch or see but something I can feel. If only my mind was strong enough to feel all three at the same time. Sometimes I can, depending on the situation and circumstance. That's another thing that scares me; how I can be one with my feelings and emotions. I don't get wrapped up in a lot of drama or chaos because I stay calm and view the scene in so many angles that I might just have made three different movies from just looking at it. Maybe that's just be, but I have to admit that that is some special power. I can decipher different thoughts, answers, or justifications and none of them could be right, but all of them could be possibilities. And when I speak of them no one understands and I'm left to be seen as crazy. Maybe you should try thinking outside the box. I just want you to understand...that's all.

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