Mom

I’m missing something, will you fill it?
Its here in my heart, can you see this hole here?

I have a hole somewhere in my heart
It’s a hole that can never be filled

In there you’ll find passages that lead you to my deepest secrets
My deepest secrets are napping, only this time its forever
They’re caved in and I’m stuck not sharing my tunnels, or a map of my tunnels for that matter
You see, I’ve never wandered deep into my tunnels because; well, because I’m scared
Terrified, afraid that something is lingering, waiting to haunt me

Maybe I know
No I do know, but I wish I didn’t

Here, I’ll fill you in
I lost a piece of this heart way back when…
Way back when she left me
She left me for God and I don’t know if she even said her farewells
But she was fare and well
The fairest of them all if you ask me
And she is the well in which I sink into every time I think of her

Yea, I wish her well often
Wondering how the coffin fits her
Or if it even was her preferred choice
I’m sure she didn’t even get to decide

She didn’t get to pick her visitors
She didn’t even get to pick her last breath
She didn’t get to pick her flowers

Now the flowers loom
They don’t bloom, they just loom
And when sunshine says, “hi”, they just hide
Just like me,
I hide

I hide away from the truth because I don’t want to accept it
Yes, I see her often
She’s my angel, on my right shoulder
And on my left shoulder I have another one
Another angel I can’t picture the face, so I hold on to the pixels so they don’t shrivel up and die

She never dies, not even in my memories
My mother lives somewhere that’s not my heart
Not because I don’t love her
But because my first word was Luna
The moon; the size of my eyes when they water

The moon has a face I’ve seen too many times
Sometimes I wonder if it’s her looking down
I’m sure she sends me stars to guide me in the right direction
But there’s this affection that’s affecting me
I can’t live life without mom, mother, mami

Not because I need her to sign my permission slips
But because I’m missing something here, here in my heart
I know it’s her past, and my history that’s missing
And I don’t mind asking Pops for answers
But there’s a difference between other fathers and mine
My father is a father, to other kids but myself

I’m just a son, someone’s son
A mother’s son, a father’s son
Who’s going to adopt me from this solemn space I call Home?
I go back to my now, to see how things became
I became a man through lessons learned
The blessings burn because bias brothers bother me
Sisters just steal serenity soon as someone scours my house
And that’s when I find father’s fingerprints falling furiously

One by one, each his own, but teach his grown they never do
So I never learn about Mother
I never learn about Maria
I never learn about “mama”
Because this heart is missing something
Something
Something…

Can you fill it?
Or do I have to go to mom’s grave and pray that she rises from the dead only to hold me one more time and tell me something like,

“Son. You are a grown man now. Yes, times are hard but look at me. I’m playing cards with Death and who knows what I’ll bet on next. Let’s just say that if I play these cards right, I might come back home on time to make dinner. I remember when you couldn’t even eat much. It seems like all that nourishment from foods never fulfilled you like the arms that carried you. I also remember your birth. And I remember the day you forgot your birthday. I was there…I’ve been there the whole time. Now babe, do me a favor. Live by your words. You have the world on your shoulders. They’re waiting for you to fall, but you can be my summer. Shine, shine like there’s no tomorrow…”

Silent Words.

To write is to fall asleep.

I speak of dreams only because that is how I see.

I close my eyes so I can see.



Now you wonder how the blind can see.

They hear what you can't.

Isn't that amazing, no need for grace.
I have silence for that.



Listen.



Do you ever wonder how you miss so much in life?

I do...sometimes.

Only when I lose my mind over those little moments.

And that's when they leave.
Once I've gotten my ink in my veins to write Great Moments

inside my insides so insight is lost even in sight.

I'm lost, lost to the world and the way it turns on its axis.



My galaxy is spinning in the wrong direction.

Don't you know all those stars are my thoughts?

Paper Plate Award

JOY

I want to first apologize for taking so long. My excuse is that I couldn't find the right words to put on this award. I think you are an amazing student. Not only are you smart but you're a silly, helpful, serene being. You are definitely a joy to have around. It has been an honor to serve you and help you with everything. You have brought so much to the team. I see the way you interact with your peers and you have shown great leadership skills. You lead by example and I think that is the best way to lead. Even E has something to say. She sends best wishes and says,
"Even from afar, you take over hearts. Your innocent spirit makes loving you so easy." I couldn't have said it better myself. I think you are a wonderful teammate, student and most of all a wonderful human being. You have traits I wish to conquer. You have a smile of a thousand suns, with each tooth shining a ray of sunshine. So keep on shining. You'll never burn out like the stars, but you'll definitely be a STAR! I can't wait to see you at the top where you belong. When I do, don't forget me. I might need to borrow some money. In reality though, if you ever, ever, EVER NEED ANYTHING please let me know. I mean let us know. We will be glad to be of assistance. Don't hesitate to ask. All I ask of you is to keep being yourself. You are indeed my joy of the year. I wish you the best in life, in money, in wishes, in love, in happiness, and, most of all, in friendships. I wish I could stay here at least another year but unfortunately my life is waiting in Detroit. I will for sure come back to visit and find my lost friend, Jai. If I can't find you, shame on me. I'm sure I'll need to look in the Best Elementary School next year. I'll be back at Dunbar to visit you and all the rest. Stay safe and always smile. I miss you already and I, we love you.
Enjoy.

Life. Love. Live.
J.

&
E.

Sometimes

Sometimes this world seems so big. I can only be so small. Think about all the greatness this world holds. How many tiny specs of sands make a beach? How many droplets of water create an ocean, let alone a tear? I'm alone in this world. Sometimes I wonder who understands. There's no one to Under Stand. I stand on my own because I have to be strong. I have to grow on my own. I can't let someone pick me up because when it rains it's cliche. But I don't believe in gray clouds...I call them breaks. We all need them but sometimes we're too busy to notice the red in the eyes. I've bled twice as much because I can't sleep until I know someone else has lived. I've bled twice as much because I love until hate hates, and makes a compromise to love. I still bleed sometimes. Only when you notice death is close do you begin to live. But here, I'll let you in on a secret. "I'm not dying anytime soon. I think I might die one of these years" But truthfully, there is no time close that you'll have to close my casket. I'm alive, and learning to live on a daily basis. It's wonderful. I take breaks to smile back at Elementary Students who have been given no more options because they're just "bad" or have no sense. I have no cents now, so why pay me attention. That's why I give them attention...because no one else does. I'm just saying, life is precious...and so is her name. Love her even if days are as bad as you think it is. I think today is a good day. If not, then something must be wrong with me.

One

Song

Sometimes I get / di / zzy (thinking)
One day you’ll just let/ me / go
Leave / me / a / lone
With / no one to turn / to

I never thought / Love would / Be cold
I never thought / Love could / Be colder than ice

So cold my heart is ice
Still gotta keep up the fight
Keep on going right
A new day is in sight
I know this has to get better
I know this has to get better
It. Has. To. Get. Better

They say when it rains it pours
Don’t they know it also hurts?
I’m dumbfounded
Sunshine is clouded
My sky is no longer blue
It has lost its hue
I worry, who is still here
I worry, who still cares
I just stare at my reflection
I wasn’t expecting
This to be perfection
That’s why I’m in sections
In pieces of peace
This is my release
Please, warm my heart again
Warm my heart again

Free Verse Love

I have to love you the scripted way

Hold your hand everyday

Kiss your lips softly

Because that’s what the book says

I can’t walk alone, keep to myself

To be “good” I have to be like everyone else

Why not stand out,

Show the differences,

And see the wacky styles, when in comparison?

Why not?
Well, because the book makes predictions

What we should be

Giving us restrictions of what we could be

Why can’t we stop being actors reading a script,

And grow some balls and be a little different?

Because the book tells us not to

And frankly, we seem scared of it

The book needs to see an example of what true love is

So let’s give it a sample

Show how the connection really is

When the love isn’t being scripted

Don’t play by the rules; love me free verse

And I’ll be your side, for better or worst

Don’t blend in with the rest, be strong and stand out

Don’t be afraid to be the OUT crowd

Dig deep within and bring out originality

What makes you special gives you your individuality

Finally, I can see your true personality

When you’re not trying to be like me, he, she, we

Just you, to set your own standards

Make sure your voice is heard

Words of wisdom; divine truthfulness

Letting your tongue flow without being ruthless

This is how you behave

No more living up to what someone portrays

Today, you stray into the arms of reality

Break off the chains and free verse love me

I want you to love me in free verse

Because I’ll love you in Haikus

I will love you now,

Forever be there for you,

I love you always,

So let’s always write

Then we won’t be left with words unsaid

Maybe we can create alliterations

Always an answer after anyone asks about us

Us, Us, Us

You and me

I will be yours if you’ll be mind

I play with words so you’ll be in my thoughts

You are my thoughts because you let me live

I Carpe Diem,

Seize the day,

Not only with words but with feeling

I’m feeling

I’m feeling

I’m feeling like, maybe, I could possibly, somehow Poet love you

And it’s ironic that when I left home I met you

Only this time the scene wasn’t in a rhyme scheme

It wasn’t in a time line where lines times the signs made rhyme

Even then, when we were miles away the blues kept singing

And we just danced to the love written

Until the pen lost ink and I was left to love you

I free verse love you

J.R.

Heyyyyyyy!!

What’s good? How do you do?

Sucky. You?

Why? What’s up? Me. Just trying to poet.

Or just live.

Friends mommy and grandpa died and he’s

Like on the verge of killing himself…

You’re a poet. Your words speak the truth in a metaphoric way

Can’t talk to him? I want to help.

No I just try to write and half the time my mind is missing

So all you get is words.

Words of wisdom; truth, security.

That explains your feelings and how your mind works.

Complicated as you seem, you’re very easy to understand

Understanding; it is clear to those who can’t see clearly.

You see without having to see.

You know and you’re one of few that can read between my lines.

That’s power, not sure how you do it.

It’s fine; I’m settling him

Well if there’s anything I can do to help let me know.

I’ve lost a few.

Gotta keep them so I can continue to live.

Don’t read with my eyes.

My heart brings the connection.

Blind I am, yet I can see it all.

Deep down I think we share a soul.

I can feel your aches and the tickles.

We share something.

That I know for sure.

We blend in like camouflage.

Yet, if you blink twice we’re there on point.

Staring so deeply we wonder if we’re looking

Into you or directly back at us.

I’m unsure of how you entered my world

And are able to understand me more than I do myself, I think.

You’re getting close in days but I’ve been looking for me in years.

I now realize the meaning of your other half.

You know me. And that’s a great feat.

Thanks babe.

No problem.

You’re so soothing.

And I wonder how I sleep so good at night.

Because I snuggle with you…

The emptiness that stirs you awake is filled; void.

I feel my mind full with feelings.

I feel my heart full with something you might call love.

I call her love.

I sleep with my lucky blankie.

I am warm.

Your warmth makes me hot.

I need it to warm my heart.

So it won’t grow cold, freeze the love inside.

The love is for you, to keep you warm.

My heart is warm enough to keep you from being cold

But hot enough to burn others that get too close without permission.

I want to enter your heart.

Live there as long as rent doesn’t go up.

I know it won’t because you’re my roommate.

You’re my lover.

You’re mine and I am yours.

We’ll share what we can and we’ll find a way

To enjoy everything that’ll come our way.

I’ll open my door to my heart so you can begin to sleep like I do.

Love you.

J’adore